Hey everyone,

I probably won’t be updating my website from now till the first week of April. Between trying to finish my new website and going to New Mexico (for work) next week, I can’t see anything new being posted besides my Twitter updates. Feel free to follow me otherwise I will talk to you in April!

Hopefully you will like the new site! See you then!

So it was recently that I realized that it had been a year since I started this website. It was a little startling to put together the timeline and realize that it has been around this long. Not sure if you are aware, but the original reason I started this site was with the thought in mind to keep my family informed of my life while living in Italy (because I was supposed to get married). Besides time passing by so quickly, with my new job, I was made aware that technology has changed dramatically and this site that I use is SO FAR behind the times, especially in terms of functionality (I can’t even create my own template!), which is why I decided to move it. It will be easier for me and my pocketbook (definitely needed in these times). The process will take some time but I am ok with that, as long as you are!

Life is good right now. Not a lot going on in my life except that I am actually able to live it! I have finally gotten my family (cousins) in the habit of getting together over the weekend. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to get 5 people’s calendars together?! It is really hard, especially when one is always out of town on business and doesn’t reply to text messages.

Besides trying to spend time with my family, I have also been doing small get together with one of my co-workers, Ivana, who I just absolutely adore. She is such an interesting and wonderful person! (more on that later)

This Sunday alone, I managed to squeeze as many people into my day as possible. I think if you include the random calls to my mother, it is about 10 people! And I didn’t even go into work!

I started off my morning with a dose the family. Michelle, Russ, Renae, Tom and Aunt Andi all gathered around a breakfast table. The only problem with this many people is either too much conversation or not enough. We spent the time conversing and catching up on people’s lives while also having small side chats with random thoughts that we have been meaning to say. Despite the horrible rainy weather, we had a nice time and I just wished it would have lasted longer. I have a feeling that this Sunday we won’t be getting together, mainly because it took so long to organize it, but I am ok with that (have my website to work on).

After brunch, I went and ran some errands. I have been searching for pants online and have been continually been purchasing them only to have to return them shortly after they arrive. They have been either too short, too small, too big, too, too, too! I just don’t want to pay $180 for a pair of suit slacks that I am going to beat the crap out of! It just gets so frustrating. As long as I can keep purchasing and keep returning, I will be ok.

I was of course running late for my “lunner” date with Iva, but luckily had walked around the stores enough to burn off the brunch I ate only 4 hours earlier. We met at this sushi place, Shinto, just off of route 59 and N. Aurora Rd. We had drink there the night before, but since we never had a chance to try the food, we went in for a late lunch/ early dinner. The food was ok, some good, some not so good, but the time spent together was nice. She doesn’t have a lot of friends out here in the suburbs and with shuffling her life between school (going for her 3rd masters degree), work and husband, there isn’t a lot of time to get out. Since this was our second time out, outside of work, I made her bring something personal, her wedding pictures. Just gorgeous! She wore a strapless blue gown with a hat, a true independent woman who wore exactly what she wanted (and looked damn good). I have to say, I feel kind of special getting to know her outside of work and enjoy our time together, absorbing all the stories of interesting things she has done and experienced in her life. (She is younger than me!)

After my time with her, it was so hard not to want to crawl into bed. The weather was just miserable, dark gray and with constant rain going from heavy to light and back again. Lucky for me, I had a chance to get a few other things done before my phone date with Tim. Since I have been back from Denver, we have managed to keep up a standing Sunday Phone date which I look forward to ever y week. They usually range from 1 hour to 2 giving us a chance to catch up on all the happenings of the week. The past two dates have been very exciting, hearing about all the recent things in his life that are on the move! I am just so happy for him! I will post more later on this subject but for now my only hope is that he takes some time off to come down and see me while I am in New Mexico.

That was my Sunday, all that stuff shoved into one day. And it still makes me smile thinking about it again.

I am currently working on moving my website and I think you will be impressed with some of the changes. I am not going to say anything right now as it is still developing but be prepared for a launch date of March 31st. Both jobs are going well (as always) and looking forward to the conference in April down in NM that I have been working “balls to the wall” since I started with the company. The blog will be quiet for awhile with me working on the future location for kristenkady.com but if you want to read about my misc ramblings, feel free to follow me on Twitter. Love you all!

Saturday I was lucky to start my morning by having breakfast with Michelle and Russ. The remaining part of the day was filled with checking things off of a to do list and then onto work, but the best part was spending time with people that I actually live with but never have a chance to talk. After work I had planned on getting together for drinks with some co workers but ended up spending the night by myself…in a bar… Usually I am fine, holding my own, but the bar I chose, happen to only have the staff that worked earlier so no one to randomly spark a conversation with. As I was sitting there alone, sipping my wine, having a conversation with a few people via twitter I was approached by a guy, who when looking across the bar, I could tell that he was a young one, heck even he looked and acted like my best friend’s son. I surprised that he sat down and gave him props for having the courage to do so. He is the second one of his age (same young age as my little brother) to hit on me, like honestly hit on me. Before the average age was 60, now for some reason it has dropped to 21. Actually, a lot of people think that I am younger, like my brother’s age. I don’t know what it is, whether it is my attire or the fact that I am not from around here, but I guess I will take it and run with it!

Sunday was really good! I originally had plans with Ivana for breakfast but, she never came out on Saturday (she ended up working really late) so I was unsure of where we stood, but according to the 4am text message that she sent, she was thinking about lunch. I got up, had a chance to mess around doing nothing, got to talking with a new twitter friend. I have never felt as popular as when I was trying to talk with 4 people (mom, Luisa, Andre and Iva) and try and get dressed and out the door! On my way to lunch with Iva, I talked with mom all the way there. We hadn’t talked in such a long time so we had a lot of catching up to do! Then time for lunch, our lunch get together was really nice except for the crappy service. I won’t go into all the details but I hope that we make that happen on a regular basis. I enjoy her company and I think we have both been through enough to identify on a similar level. We only had an hour and a half, because at 2pm I had my phone date with Tim. Usually we have our Sunday phone date in the evening, but due to his schedule (aka fun plans) for the evening, we moved it up. I enjoyed hearing about his recent activities along with what is in store for the next week. What is it about hearing from friends and exciting things in their life, you just get happy? I guess it is where the saying, “I am happy for you “comes from. I really am happy with all the new things going on with him and can’t wait to hear what else is in store.

I had some more “me” time to myself while waiting for Luisa to be able to talk, so I washed my sheets and started on my taxes. Not what most people would find an exciting time, but I will tell you that I really enjoyed it. Luisa and I had a good talk and I am so proud to hear her sticking to being healthy! She would never touch a vegetable, unless it wasn’t green (like corn) but now I hear her actually eating them WHILE OUT at restaurants! Plus she is exercising! I told her that she is going to be my inspiration to kick the heavy amounts of sugar and eat healthier. I am SO PROUD of her! Go Luisa Go! The rest of my time was spent getting to know an “eager beaver” via Twitter. He seems like a good guy, just needs to slow down the process a little bit but I think he might be a good Chicago friend. Also had a few chats with some friends via Facebook and sent out a few random emails to people I had been forgetting.

It doesn’t seem as busy or as exciting after writing it all out, but my day flew by and has still left me smiling. Now all I need to do is finish my taxes (waiting for a W2) and figure out if I am moving my website. Until then, I think am going to go to bed wearing that smile….thank you to everyone who participated in my day today. I really enjoyed your company and do think I could be wearing this warm smile without you!

So I have been thinking about my “new” job…. you know, the one that will get me out into the .com world, communicating, helping people by way of my writing and I will enjoy 100%! I still have been working on how to go about it and what my subject would be. I bored on my way to work today and googled, “jobs for Libras” to see what my zodiac sign had to say about what I should be doing for a living. I was surprisingly shocked! I swear I ran that search before, when I was without a job, but I don’t remember these results.

I have to say I was laughing all the way to work! It is funny how things work out, how once you start paying attention all the answers are there (of course with me, once I don’t need the guidance!) Here are my results (from a few sites):

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Charming, witty and tasteful, Libras work best when dealing with the public. Members of this sign make great salespeople, provided they are moving luxury merchandise. Naturally artistic, these folks also gravitate toward jobs involving design, music, or dance. Libras are also extremely gracious and make excellent ambassadors, customer service representatives and restaurant hosts. (see already doing one!)

Libra is the only zodiac symbol that’s neither animal nor human — but surely that doesn’t make you any less human. In fact, Libra is among the most sociable of the signs. As scales of old were really “balances,” so to do you seek balance in all that Libra does. You respond to situations with grace as Libra attempts to put others at ease. Artistically, Libra tries to balance form, content, colors and elements, and for this reason can be drawn toward creative endeavors.

The greatest balancing act is between self and others, and it is here that many Libras focus their energy. Here, in the realm of interpersonal relationships, you are a champion. Libras know how to be the charming host or hostess. Libra can sense what others want before they ask for it. And you can make the needs of others a higher priority than your own. In fact, Libra is the shuttle diplomats of the zodiac, going back and forth between the extremes until a solution is negotiated.

The Libra motto might be “To every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.” (I say this ALL the time!) It is your innate sense of cause and effect that makes you so effective as a strategist. Whether it’s playing chess, relationship counseling or civic planning, you know how to be effective while staying in the middle of the road. Your easygoing attitude can serve you and others well, but don’t forget that your needs cannot go totally unfulfilled or you won’t have anything to give to others.

Element: Air
The astrological element of air represents movement. And the most efficient movement between two points is often a thought. Air signs are thinkers. They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators (exactly what I want to do). They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind.

The air of Libra is about equilibrium. Even the atmosphere needs to rest, so here, we seek ways to give our thoughts temporary respite from their never-ending movement.

Seventh House: Partners
If the First House represents the self, the Seventh House opposite it, represents the other. This can be a business partner, a spouse or any other type of relationship amongst equals. Most often, this is where we look to see how you relate to others in your life.

Key Planet: Venus
Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn’t only about physical love; she’s also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Libra, Venus is about the perception of beauty as an ideal. Here, she is the proper blend of colors, the right mix of music or the perfect poetic description of love, itself.

Libra Greatest Strength: Your grace and charm when helping others

Libra Possible Weakness: Forgetting to take care of your own needs

Libra Career Aptitudes

Libras have a strong aesthetic sense and usually have an aptitude for various forms of design. Their visual-spatial skills are strong, so jobs that require arrangement or physical organization are favored. Like all the air signs, Libras usually have a talent for technology and may be good with computers (love geeking out!), though a creative streak also fits them for the arts. Diplomatic skills and idealism lead some Libras into social work, (helping others) law, and/or politics.

Most Libras possess a natural grace that may suit some of them for certain athletic pursuits, such as skating, martial arts (particularly Tai chi), and yoga. Naturally charming, they also do well in hospitality industry positions where they greet and interact with the public. (again that hostess job)

Libras require a harmonious work environment. Argumentative coworkers can cause significant psychological distress, even if the Libra is not directly involved in the conflicts. Careers where the Libra has to make quick decisions are also a bad idea unless the ascendant falls in a more decisive sign, such as Aries.

Libra careers include:

· Architect

· Athlete

· Beautician

· Dancer/dance instructor

· Diplomat

· Fashion designer

· Flower arranger

· Hair stylist

· Host/hostess

· Interior designer/decorator

· Judge

· Lawyer/law reformer

· Martial arts instructor

· Mediator

· Model

· Painter

· Personnel officer

· Politician

· Professional ice skater

· Receptionist/secretary

· Writer (poetry, poetic prose, philosophical, legal, or politically based works)

· Yoga instructor

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I don’t know anything that could have pinned me so perfectly. So now I just have to figure out how to combine those things together… writer, computers/tech, host, dance, model….. I am sure I can figure out something!

By the way, I heard some bad news today. It looks like I won’t be able to try out for ANTM. They are looking for models 5’8 and under! I heard it on a Denver radio station today…another thing that makes me wondering if I should try out, they are having auditions in Denver on Monday (or sometime this week) and I am not there. I need to look farther into it before giving up, but if they are going for shorties this year, then I am screwed, because next year I will be over the age limit. Again, I missed my shot…that is the way it always seems to be. I will have to find out the exact details before starting to get down and let you all know. Until then, keep your fingers crossed, and don’t forget that any suggestions on what is the “void to fill” in the .com communications world, that would be great!

Life is good right now, I feel much happier than the last time I wrote. I am still working the same two jobs (only able to get my current events and news via Twitter) and getting burnt out, but I am still able to make time for others and myself. I do find it a little scary that I get excited about doing laundry and cleaning my room, but clean sheets can have such an emotional affect on a person.  I think my happiest time this month was when I was able to spread some love this by sending out Valentine’s!

It was one of those random thoughts that came to mind, where I couldn’t send out Christmas cards because those are for families, but Valentine’s day cards, those always make people smile! I really wanted to find the old, “kind you got in first grade” valentines, but any parent right now would know those don’t exist anymore! I could get 3D butterfly’s that moved their wings when you moved the card, but you can’t get the small valentine’s with the little envelope, you know, the kind that would allow for 3 Necco Candy Conversation Hearts before the envelope wouldn’t seal. I wanted to give people that feeling…. the feeling of being loved, feeling special. The same feeling I had while signing my name and addressing the envelope.  It made me warm and tingly and fuzzy inside.

Despite my current jobs situation and not having a lot of time for other things, I have been thinking about what I want to do when I get back to Denver. I think with my recent job and getting to know a whole other world of media and such, I want to “reach out” to people. I have found myself dreaming of writing articles in order to help others, but I haven’t figured out what void to fill. I would like to go to school and take some classes to learn how to write (because we all know I have poor writing skills and tend to ramble on when writing) as well as find out what I can do to help others. I can’t just start writing about nothing, that would be pointless (similar to my blogs). I need to find the gap that needs to be filled, the spot that no one else seems to touch on or not have the guts to touch on. I can talk about anything, and the passion behind my writing would be that I would feel like I was making a difference. I think it is going to take some time and research before I can start making a move but when I finally find it, I will know.

The only thing I can think about that has made me sad recently is the no or slow response from other people when I make contact with them. It usually takes me a week to respond to others, mainly because I don’t like rushing though emails unless they are short ones, but it seems like I have had to ask a few times to see if they even received the email then they finally get a reply. Maybe its just me, or maybe its them or maybe its the combination of the two, but it sucks when it takes two people almost a month to attempt to have a conversation.

I think that’s all for now. Life is good. Learning how to make time for me and time for others, even if it is one or two nights a week. My brain is still stirring on trying to come up with different ways to make money and do something that is fun and heartfelt. I did contemplate making onesies for money, but I would have to look into all the legal rights and things before getting into it. I think I will come up with an idea in the next 5 years. (I am in no rush). My relationships are going well too. I have made a big effort on my side, learning that sometimes you just need to throw everything out on the table, for everyone to see, being open and honest and able to talk about anything. It is weird though, the most recent friendships that I have reconnected with, causes me to want to do the same with really old past relationships. Just haven’t had the guts yet to say “hello” to old “friends”.  One day at a time.

So that’s where I am right now….all is well… just wanting to make a difference in the world whenever and where ever I can. Am I a saint, no, but I am doing my part and what I can do within my means. Just an average girl with a big heart that now knows how to use it!

My cousin lost his father to bladder cancer this November. This year he is shaving his head to benifit the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. St. Baldrick’s is the world’s largest volunteer-driven fundraising event for childhood cancer research. Thousands of volunteers shave their heads in solidarity of children with cancer, while requesting donations of support from friends and family.

I know times are tough right now for a lot of people, but remember every dollar counts and it’s tax deductable!

Click here to donate!

All of my complaints seem to roll right into the next one

• sick of working 77 hours per week! It leaves me NO time to do ANYTHING!
• tired and stressed because I work so much
• stress is causing my head to grow open sores on my head
• because I am tired my body is craving sugar and so of course I am giving in
• which is causing me to gain weight
• but I can’t work out because my time at home is spent sleeping
• have the worst knot under my right shoulder which causes me pain anytime I breathe or move my arm
• but I can’t take care of it and go to the chiropractor because I only get one night off during the work week, need to call in advance and they don’t do weekends
• my one night off is spent running errands because since I live in the burbs, everything closes at 8pm or 9pm so its my one shot during the week
• allowing me no time to get other things done (like right now its 9:30pm and I am now just sitting down to the computer)
• want to cut down on the hours at the restaurant or quit because I don’t think I am the best fit for the job and would allow me more time in my life
• can’t because that job is the one with the health insurance
• thought I could get individual health insurance (because of HIPAA) instead of paying $350 a month for COBRA
• but it took a week just to call my insurance (since I can only call M-F 9am-5pm, Tuesday is the only day that I can take a break and call)
• found out that I might not be able to have individual insurance (without having pre-existing conditions which is the main reason I need insurance) but now I have to do more research which means more time which means that I will continue to have the same schedule that I have had for the past month!
• I HATE MY SCHEDULE! I HATE MY LIFE THAT I CREATED!
  • Monday – Friday (except Tuesday)
    • 6:15am Leave for work
    • 7:30am-2:30pm First Job
    • 2:30pm-9:30pm/10:30pm Second Job
    • +1 hour to drive home
    • 11pm-5am Sleep
  • Saturday
    • Run some errands
    • 3pm-10:30pm Second Job
  • Sunday
    • Recover from the week and cram in as much as possible, like laundry and grocery shopping

I wish I had time to talk to people, call friends and family up randomly, not have to schedule a date and time. I want to spend time writing (which reminds me, I have another post that I have been “working” on for two weeks but have yet to post). I want to take myself out to dinner, be able to go to a movie, have time to work out, not wonder if I replied to someone’s email or take a week just to reply. I want to remember my time out in Illinois as being fun, not a hell I am trying to run away from. The weather here sucks, the sun never comes out, they snow just piles up and doesn’t go anywhere and its freak’n cold. When I leave here I want to say I had fun, that I am glad I did it, hell have proof that I was even here and take a damn picture every once and a while. Sigh… it is frustrating to know what I want out of life and how to get it, yet I am stuck in this horrible sh*ty circle, with no end in sight.

Deep breath…… thank you for the vent session, maybe by this time next week I will have an answer on the insurance and can deviate from the circle and onto a different path…… for now I will go back to my dinner of wine and ice cream…

 PS – I know I have more pessimistic things to add to this list but these are just the things that affected me today. Also note that you have to be pessimistic and pissy sometimes in order to stay positive.

Seriously, its not just about being sick, its about just not have time to recover. I can’t take any days or night off!

Here is my schedule per week:

77 hours of work
15 hours of travel time
40 hours of sleep
24 hours of free time
12 hours misc (aka getting dressed, packing lunch etc)

See, no time. I could fit it in on my Sunday of 24 hours off but I have better things to do. Maybe I can fight it off today. I sure hope so!

Also, there is a possibility that I get Monday-Wednesday night off of the restaurant. I’m pushing for it so we will see what happens when the schedule comes out tomorrow. Until then I will shove as many vitamins down my throat as possible.

The holidays are over… and I am a little down. Aren’t you supposed to be sad during the holidays because you are alone, not after? My vacation was not what I expected, but I learned a lot from that and that’s all that matters. I have been thinking a lot about family, Denver, and everything I once knew.

This Christmas I spent a lot of time with family, not just my immediate family, but with my family up north. This includes my step sisters, half brother, their spouses and their children with their spouses and children. I was talking with my sister during Christmas dinner about living in Chicago and it got the gears turning in my head but it wasn’t until after I got home that they finally clicked.

My reality check: I am currently living the same life I have tried so hard to get away from. Same life, just a different place (that’s has really crappy weather). I have managed to put myself into the same position as before, working my ass off and no time for anything else. Was it something that I chose on purpose? Not really, but being without a job for over 2 months, calling off a wedding and having a surgery racked up a lot of debt that I need to pay off. I told myself when I moved here I was going to take time out for myself and enjoy life yet I am not.  Instead I am leading my life into a direction of being married to my job and dying alone.

I realized that I sacrificed a lot in my past for my job, mainly my family. I never had the time to enjoy them, spend time with them and learn about them. I look back and it disappoints me that my nephew didn’t even know who I was until he was like 5 years old. That is very sad. I have been lucky with the help of social networking websites to get to know my nieces and nephews and feel like a part of their family. When I was younger, it was easier, we were all around the same age and would get together on occasion. Heck, I can even recall one time my brother and I spent a couple days at my sister’s house when I was about 6. All I remember is one night, all of us piled up on her pull out sofa in the living room, listening to my sister read a story. Over time however, I threw myself into my work and stopped getting together with my family, even missing some holiday dinners. I watched my brother continue to be friends while I felt like an outsider. I don’t know if it was my family’s dynamic or if it was just me not feeling comfortable with myself but now I like to think of it as a different story. I don’t want to think about what life will be like with my family after my father passes, the one man that has brought us all together but I do know that I want to work on those relationships, building them, making them stronger before it’s too late. Gosh, I am crying while writing this. Every time I have thought about them over the past two weeks, I start to cry. I want to be a part of their lives. Family will always be there for you and I feel blessed to be a part of it all, blood related or not.

I was talking with my mother about all of this and I think I shocked her a little. I told her what was important in my life and how unhappy I have been since I have been home. The one thing that she kept telling me was that even as a baby I was always independent. That even as a child I would never ask for help and tried doing everything on my own, to a point where my mother felt like I didn’t need her. I can’t imagine what that was like as a mother.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not as happy as I would like to be right now and have made the decision to move back to Denver. Not right now, but most likely in the summer, don’t know if I would make it a full year. I don’t feel that I am giving up (that was the whole reason for the commitment of one year out in Illinois, so that when it got tough I wasn’t allowed to quit) because I did go through the hard times of struggling and coming out on top. Moving out here wasn’t even a “clean slate” or new beginning for me because I got that when I went through therapy.

I miss the beautiful mountains and weather of home. I want to find a job that allows me the ability to take some time off or maybe a well paid part time job (I know, what everyone else wants) but if you want something hard enough, you can find it. Maybe having multiple temp jobs or going back to school and learn how to write articles for online publications. I want to have lunches with my sisters and brothers, take my nieces and their families out to dinner in Denver (like I have wanted to do for years but never had the guts to ask them out), and get to know my great nieces and nephews before they grow up and never know who I am. I’m sure they don’t know it, but even though I am the same age as them, I occasionally see them through the eyes of a nurturing aunt. So proud of whom they have ground up to be, with work, life, families and faith (and done at such young ages). I want to hear more about my father’s past through the eyes and heart of my sisters and brother, learn from their experiences. It is like I have had the veil lifted from my face and see the world in a new light. I now have the ability to hear the words my brother and sisters have been saying. I wish I would have appreciated them more when they reached out to me in the past. I wasn’t ready then, but now I have the strength and capability to ask and receive help.

There is also the creative fun side of me that has been dormant and neglected for awhile too. I miss the theatrics, dancing singing and acting. Do you know how sad it was, while I was working at the restaurant, I had a woman walk up to me while on her phone and ask me if I used to dance? I about fell over! She was on the phone with her son who was putting on a community production and he needed dancers. My only response was, “I would love to but I don’t have the time”. I couldn’t believe that I said that. The rest of the party was standing there trying to convince me to do it. I wanted to SO badly but due to my current schedule, there was no way possible. I have been saying that I have wanted to get back to the arts but I don’t think I ever had the guts to do it. About 6 years ago I bought shoes but then had surgeries so nothing ever came of it. Last year I made a goal to do get back in, did the research and found locations and schedules but never actually made the move. By no means am I out to be a Broadway star or award winning actress, but I do have fun and my heart seems to light up when I do it. For some reason, over the past week, I am contemplating trying out for America’s Next Top Model. I had a co-worker in Denver telling me to do it for years and now that I am out here, I have another co-worker doing the same thing! That definitely gave me a push. After taking some time to find the application, it looks like I have until May to get myself back into shape (since my diet has been so poor and I haven’t been working out) and the cut off is age 27, so this would be the last year I could try out. It was the weirdest thing, I started to doubt myself again (thinking that I shouldn’t bother trying out) and the next morning I had lost an inch in my waistline! I haven’t been able to get my waist to change for the past two years (with eating right and exercise!) and one random morning I wake up and it’s gone?! That was enough of a sign for me.

Wow… Have I rambled or what? I’m sorry for the back and forth, but I have had all of this running around in my head the past two weeks and haven’t had the chance to “organize it” so instead of coming out as verbiage on the page, it came out more as vomit. So yes, I plan on moving back home to Denver. When? That I don’t know yet, but I can tell you it won’t be for at least another 5 months. I also need to work on my relationships here too! My cousin’s don’t know it yet, but I want to start a bi-weekly Sunday brunch or dinner to catch up. I mean, I LIVE here now and talk to them less then when I was in Denver (mainly due to the 77 hours of work per week).

I am now in touch with what I want out of life. Happiness found with family and friends, creating memories to hold onto and share with my children later in life. I do wish I was younger, I feel like this new found view is something that 20 year olds go through, but it could be worse as some 60 year olds never come to this realization; just go through the motions of life and never actually living it. I have been short changing myself for far too long. For the first time I am mentally ready to start a family, but until that time comes, I will grow within the family I have. It will always be a struggle to continually work on myself, but it’s a matter of being aware, conscious of my surroundings and the direction I am headed in. Family and friends will keep me on the right track and help me if I fall off. I am blessed and lucky to be where I am and am ready for the future I am going to create.